Brain patterns

It’s months now; self induced addiction; waking up each day hoping it’s not there anymore; but the fact that im still thinking of it, i know it’s still there lurking deep inside my mind; subdue… yes, cure… unknown; maybe this is something clinical; maybe there is an actual pill for what i have; cant go home now; cant sleep; someday, when im cured, will this be as meaningful as it is now; perfect adjective:romantic… no, not in a lovely way but in the sense that it’s idealistic, an image of perfection, but unrealistic.; sick of it, yet it’s still there;romantic, but tiring.