Brain patterns

Have your self a share of grief of this world. If the pain becomes unbearable, drown it with your headphones. Make you ears bleed… and your blood will never taste this good.

It’s months now; self induced addiction; waking up each day hoping it’s not there anymore; but the fact that im still thinking of it, i know it’s still there lurking deep inside my mind; subdue… yes, cure… unknown; maybe this is something clinical; maybe there is an actual pill for what i have; cant go home now; cant sleep; someday, when im cured, will this be as meaningful as it is now; perfect adjective:romantic… no, not in a lovely way but in the sense that it’s idealistic, an image of perfection, but unrealistic.; sick of it, yet it’s still there;romantic, but tiring.

After I have read stuff that I have written, I have always been hesitant about writing another entry on this blog. As a result I end up explaining why I still keep on writing something in here. I’m not realy sure why I keep on writing in here. For one thing, there are things in my head that are think are beautiful and must be shared. But somehow I felt like I haven’t been successfull to date.

sometimes its strange how the things you thought you want so badly are just now the things that you once wanted. And it also strange when you are becoming aware of it just now. And It also strange the we have said sometimes so much before that it becomes mundane. It’s strange growing up especially when you must be grown up by now. Stange things exite you. not because they’re good or anything beneficial .but because its something new in a brown crumpled world.

Iyong niranas ang maraming matitinding bagyo

ang hagupit ng hangin at ang lamig ng panahon

nalunod sa ulang pumapalupot sa buong katawan

tanging ang pader at ang puno ang iyong kasama

walang imik sa tindi ng araw

nakatali sa isang tabi ngunit walang kibo

nagmamasid nakikinig

binabantayan ang teritoryong angkin

sa iyong pagpanaw ano kaya ang naalala

ang walang hanggang paghuhukay

ang paghabol sa mga taong dumadaan

o ang paghiga sa malabot ng unan ng yong amo

sampung taon ang iyong buhay

sampung taong pang habang buhay

sa iyong pag dating at pag panaw

sinukat mo ang aking oras at panahon

Growing up in the 90’s was an experience my generation could only enjoy. Being 13 listening to smashing pumpkins, counting crows, spin doctors. nirvana, perl jam; waiting for the new eraserheds album; playing yano, rivermaya, teeth cassete tapes over and over again in the cassete player. watching videos on vhs. the 80’s was over so everyone looks cool. BEing 20 seems to be forever and you cant wait. the idea of floating cars by the year 2000 was still possible.

(to be continued…)

rain and coffee

from my window I see

drops of heaven passing by

from the dark cloudy sky

what a lazy day

I wish I could just stay

leave me with my coffee

by the window or by the TV

although there’s work to be done

let me enjoy just this one

the music blends with the weather’s hue

I wish I could spend this morning with you

7:45 pm - i woke up. Im sitting folded inside an aircon bus. I’ve been sleeping my entire ride. I looked outside the window, I’m in Buendia Taft… shit I’ve slept past my bus stop. what the hell is happening to me?

I lied back to collect my thoughts. "It’s inevitable" I said. I’m 23.

step step step
it’s not too far away
slowly we get near
we get near still

keep walking
enjoy the road
aim high
fly

float
glide
but don’t forget
never did the world became heaven

so… wade
crawl
try a little harder
there’s always room for more

then stop
rest
enjoy
it’s all for you